Hello from the road in Billings Montana. It’s time to wrap up Camp NaNoWriMo. It was probably ambitious to think I could write a full 50,000 words while being on the road for the last half of the month. The week I spent at home trying to get my parents settled in their house was also a complete disaster for my mental health and my writing

My final word count was 39,333, which is respectable. I think what is more important is that I’ve really developed Tegan into a character I am proud of. She was always just this lost girl who fumbled her way through life. Exploring her relationship with Emerson really opened up who she is and what she is capable of. There is something formative about the first romance that shows you sexuality and sensuality in new ways. She is caring, compassionate, and open-minded, and I love that she is so willing to take life by the horns and hang on for the ride.

I love her so much that I feel her story is really two books: one about her and Emerson, and one about her and Nick. There is just so much with Emerson that I want to touch on. The romance is darker and sexier than Nick’s, but there are still plenty of tender moments. When I think about having to cull out scenes between the two, I feel sad. Emerson is too good and too hurtful of a person to be just a side story in someone’s life.

So later this week, when I am finally at home back in my office, I am going to try to craft a plot around the scenes that I have and split out the Nick storyline over the two books. The first book will set up the meet-cute for Emerson, and the second book will focus on all of the reconnection.

I hope you all had a successful Camp NaNoWriMo. I am planning on having a weekly writing update on the books as I continue the process. There are also plenty of road trip posts coming up, so check back soon for those.

If you haven’t noticed, every blog post this month has a song lyric for a title. I’ve complied a Spotify Playlist of those songs. You can check them out here

See you soon. ❤ Spencer

Hello from my hometown. Sorry for the silence; I had hoped to get at least one blog post up a day this month. However, this trip home has been way more emotionally draining and expensive than I could ever have imagined.

Home has always been a loaded concept. The place of my birth, my parents’ house, has never been the shelter from the world and its darkness that the word “home” conveys. I used to think that it was all my fault. I rambled around that Victorian house with untreated ADHD, and not a clue as to what a bisexual was, or that I could possibly be one. I was a literal nightmare, leaving destruction in my wake for the majority of my teens and early 20s. This trip has put that blame to bed. I was a child, one who needed help. Granted, that wouldn’t really be available for some time. But instead of dealing with the challenges that came with grace and love, it was manipulation, disdain, and distance.

Home is where I feel centered in who I am. Home right now is Portland; in my 20s, it was LA. Who knows where it will be in 5 years or 10? There is a large distance between the Spencer who exists here in Indiana and the Spencer that is real. I always chafe at the differences between the two. The Spencer that my family finds acceptable feels like I’ve lobotomized my entire personality as I shove myself back into the closet, to the sounds of Fox News coming from my father’s TV.

I’ve shared how hard this week has been on Instagram stories. It has been heartwarming to hear from some of you. It’s sad that many of you also feel lost in the place society expects you to feel the safest. I don’t think that is unusual. I think we tend not to talk about it, especially when you are the weird kid from a small, conservative town.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my book and if I will ever get it published in my parents’ lifetime. How would I handle that? My characters are queer, poly, and kinky AF. The decision I think is best is that I don’t think I will ever share the news. Why kick a hornet’s nest? They could never respect the boundary that I wrote this book, but I don’t want them to read it. They would never be able to abide that it wasn’t a book that was written with their comfort in mind. How could I not think about what the neighbors would think, how people would feel about how I was raised?

Speaking of my book, I am at 30,833 words. There are four days left. It is unrealistic to think that I will hit 50,000 this month. I am also coming around to the idea that it is unrealistic to think that Tegan’s story is contained to just one book. I am thinking duology, maybe a trilogy. But really, the romance of her and Emerson, and her and Nick are the ones I want to focus on. I do think there is room for a third book of her being carefree and slutty that could be fun.

For the rest of the month, I am just going to write scenes that I think would be fun to explore with Tegan. Then next month, I will focus on taking those scenes and crafting them into a book. I really think that July NaNoWriMo could be a final edit and polish month. I am so motivated to work on this. It has brought me so much joy in such a rough time. I cannot wait for you all to meet Tegan, Emerson, and Nick.

Talk to you soon

❤ Spencer

Hello from Davenport, but I am going to take a second to talk about Omaha. I had such a great time there. The hotel I stayed at was definitely my favorite of this trip and probably one of my favorites of all time. So, if you go to Omaha, you should stay at The Cottonwood Hotel.

The hotel used to be The Blackstone Hotel and has a pretty storied history. One of its claims to fame is that it is the birthplace of the Reuben Sandwich, one of my favorite kinds of sandwich. I am currently eating the most disappointing sandwich at a hotel in Iowa, longing for that spicy mustard perfection from last night.

Writing has been going slow, it is hard to fit it in with driving, work, and travel. A lot of times, I am just so tired by the end of the day that I can’t think clearly enough to get a rough sketch of the scene. I am hoping to spend some quality time with it at my parents’ house though after they go to bed.

So, quick little recap, I’ll have two posts tomorrow: one in the morning and one in the afternoon.

See you tomorrow! ❤ Spencer.

Not much more than driving or work happened today, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. So today was just about making progress across the country.

Hello from the road! I spent most of the day in the car, and we have checked off two more states! I’ve got lots of great pictures for you today. I also had some progress on the book! So let’s talk about that.

I am working on the first pain point for tegan and Emerson. I got about 500 words written in the car today on my phone and on my laptop. The fight us going to plant some very small seeds of doubt in Tegaen head. They recover and spend a few more years together, but I really want to explore that feeling of being able to trace the demise of a relationship. It hard making two folks you like and enjoy together fight. I don’t get the folks who like to torture the people they create. I am rooting for all these kids, even when they are shitty and do shitty things. You root for the little hurt people inside them to get better. So it was kinda rough. I’m hoping to get some more words at the hotel.

Hello from eastern Oregon/Western Idaho.
Mostly photos today because I had to work this morning and writing was pretty slow and uneventful. (More punch up and transitional scenes)

Hoping to hit a coffee shop tomorrow and get a few pages of this scene in my head, it’s like rapidly getting out of hand and I need to get it out of my brain before it overbakes.

Hello!

I didn’t start writing until late today, but I still managed to write a good 1667 words. The scene I wrote today featured Tegan and Nick reconnecting, and it’s clear that Nick is bothered by the public nature of Tegan and Emerson’s relationship. He’s being petty and a little mean, and Tegan is surprised at how much she pushes back. She’s grown up a lot in his absence and is no longer the shy, quiet girl he ghosted after winter break.

I’m preparing for the road trip and feeling nervous. There will be a lot of driving and emotions involved, but I’m trying to stay positive about it! I’m excited to write blog posts from various places across the country. That should be fun! I had to run around and get all my medication. The adderall shortage means that I spend a lot of time calling pharmacies to see who can fill my prescription. I hope that one day the DEA will stop treating people who need stimulants to function like criminals.

See you tomorrow.

❤ Spencer

Hello,

Well the first real stumble day came. I had a lot of work to do today. I only hit 1100 words today. It’s fine it happens, I’m gonna pluck away at it a bit more before bed but. I just really was focused elsewhere today. And that is ok. I did write some today. It was a Tegan and Nick scene from early in the book, and I feel like after writing Emerson for a stretch Nick is easier and I really can see him clearer. So that is a win even if I don’t hit the goal.

I went to coffee shop but I had to do work. I know I am feeling stress cause the road trip is coming and I just want to be in a good spot before that starts.

See you tomorrow

❤ Spencer